You get to define what success means

Pumpkins and fall foliage at the High Line Hotel in New York City.

As the seasons shift and leaves change, I find myself reflecting on rhythm and how life, work, and even our energy all move in cycles. The shorter days and cooler air invite us to pause and consider how we want to show up as the year winds down. It’s also a natural moment to rethink what ‘success’ means.

This time of year often brings pressure: to perform at work, to keep up with social and personal commitments, and sometimes to chase a version of success that might not even feel fully ours. Over the years, I've learned that true resilience isn’t about pushing harder or “toughing it out.” Instead, it's about pausing, tuning into yourself, and aligning your choices with your values and energy.

What Resilience Really Means

Resilience is often misunderstood as endurance or strength alone, but it’s much more than that. Real resilience is flexibility. It’s the ability to adapt when life doesn’t go according to plan (it rarely ever does), to regulate your nervous system when challenges arise, and to return to your center after disruptions.

Fall reminds us that letting go is part of resilience. Just as trees release leaves to conserve energy, we, too, can benefit from releasing what no longer serves us, whether that’s old expectations or ways of thinking. Small, intentional actions, like pausing for reflection, checking in with your energy, or taking a grounding breath, can strengthen our resilience over time.

The Pressure to Succeed vs. Your Personal Definition

Many of us operate under a “one-size-fits-all” model of success: attend the best schools, climb the career ladder, find the perfect relationship, maintain a buzzing social life, and do it all with energy to spare. But I've come to realize, there is no universal formula for success or the 'optimal outcome.' And as adults, outside of the perhaps hypercompetitive and comparative environments we grew up in, we learn that you can define the optimal outcome for yourself.

Your definition of success is uniquely yours. What feels like a win for someone else may not resonate with your life, values, or energy. Recognizing this is freeing: it allows you to step away from comparison and judgment and focus on what truly matters to you.

To learn more about what success means to you, ask yourself:

• What does success feel like in my life, in my body, and for my energy?

• What genuinely brings me joy or peace?

• Am I pursuing outcomes because they matter to me, or because I think I should?

The answers to these questions help you define your own optimal outcome: a vision of success that is sustainable, grounded, and aligned with your values. And in the meantime, here are some practices to build resilience. Once you have clarity on what truly matters, you can begin to align your habits and mindset with that personal definition of success.

Practices to Build Resilience and Align with Your Values:

1. Mindful Pauses: Take a few minutes each day to check in with your body, energy, and emotions. Even short pauses can help you reset and respond rather than react.

2. Grounding Practices: Techniques like breathwork, heart-focused meditation, or even a mindful walk outside can help regulate your nervous system and cultivate calm.

3. Journaling Reflection: Write down what you want to release and what you want to nurture this season. Seeing it on paper makes it tangible and actionable.

4. Release What No Longer Serves You: Let go of commitments, expectations, shoulds, or self-criticism that weigh you down. Just as the season naturally transitions, so can you.

5. Align Daily Habits with Your Values: Small choices (what you eat, how you move, how you rest) are the building blocks of resilience and energy alignment.

Fall offers us the chance to recalibrate. Resilience isn’t about pushing harder, it’s about taking a moment to pause, reflect, and intentionally define what matters most to you.

This week, I invite you to consider:

• One thing you’ll release that no longer serves your goals or energy

• One intentional action you’ll take that aligns with your own definition of success

By tuning into your rhythm, honoring your values, and defining your own vision of success, you cultivate not just resilience, but also clarity, peace, and a deeper sense of fulfillment in all areas of life.